my life, my thoughts, my world.

Work is just getting worse. I am also now single, but not happily so. For all my “intelligence”, and problem solving skills – I can’t for the life of me figure out what the hell the problem is. Both of us seem to see the same problems in each other, but for some reason neither of us can come up with some magical solution. Logic tells me that just means it wasn’t meant to be, but I’ll be damned if this hasn’t been the best relationship I’ve ever had. At least one set of guitar strings has died tonight, and I forsee at least one more being destroyed before I finally sleep. The alternative solution is allegedly at the bottom of a bottle, though you apparently have to drink ‘em all to find out which one. I’ll use my head and say that’s probably a BadIdea(tm).

If the weather doesn’t suck complete ass tomorrow, I’m going for a long ride up to the mountains to try and clear my head.

My motivation drive has flamed out, and I’m in a flat spin headed out to sea. Unfortunately this is a single seater, so ‘Goose’ can’t get the cables and I’m pressed against the canopy. If something here doesn’t change, and soon, I’m going to crash and burn. Never have I had this little faith, or confidence in my superior officers and NCOs. Never have I seen things so completely unorganized. Never have I been forced to be the only solution to every problem that crops up at Brigade. True, I can do a lot – in not much time, and do it well. That said, I am one man. I can do a few jobs, very well, at the same time. However, I can not act as the platoon sergeant, a squad leader, a team leader, a private, deal with all the officers and senior NCOs at brigade, keep the company 1SG happy, and get my own personal shit done at the same time – at least not with the expected results in all areas, at all times.

I enlisted for some adventure, and got none. I enlisted as an Infantryman, and got a deskjob. Some people would call that breach of contract, especially given the fact that I have served the majority of my term already – and never once done the job the Army trained me to do. There are more than a few open positions at other units, that I have been offered by their Commanders – people that know what I can do, and are willing to let me do what I’m supposed to do. Right now I’m trying to take one of them, just depends on the brigade staff being willing to let me go. The last week has pissed me off more than the last 3 years combined, and if it keeps up this way I’ll be PVT Martinez by the time we redeploy.